Test Subject

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about

Waking up to find oneself in an unknown place had lead to feeling vulnerable and confused. There was no recollection. Here was reality and it didn't seem to entirely make sense. What was the justification for all of this? What were these new feelings? Where was this place. Who decided this should be happening?

The title track of the album, and I believe also the last song I had completed. The idea of this track, and the whole album for that matter, came to me back in 2000 when I began to explore serious songwriting on a professional basis. In my mind I knew some of the limitations of my abilities and that eventually I would become better at this art form, however in order to get there I needed practice and experience. I needed a first album, as a test.

Test Subject embodies the very essence of that dream.

Conceptually the actual content of the song was about expressing my feelings of lack of control in my life. Things were happening, as if purposely to me, and nothing I did seemed to work in avoiding or preventing it. It stood as the central theme that tied together a lot of lyrics that I began writing.

The germination of this one began with a simple vintage lofi home keyboard drum rhythm with heavier, menacing guitars overlaying them. The remnant of this exists as part of the intro and in the middle before the bridge.

For the remainder of the tracks I will not provide any more specifics and just allow the listener to take it all in and with only minimal additional content aside from the lyrics, the experience can be had subjectively.

lyrics

escape their delusion
find what is real
the facade is gone
i just want to feel
nothing existed for me
up until that time
my whole world changed
i committed the crime

i'm holding on so tight
slowly slipping away
and i have no control now
i am a test subject

live for the moment
fear for the end
the facade is gone
we've killed that trend
it's now all revealed
in front of our eyes
the moment that i looked
i saw through the lies

you're a test subject
you're a test subject
you're a test subject
you're a test subject

credits

from Test Subject, released July 4, 2010

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